my husband left me because he was unhappy

Thanks for your response. Your partner met someone else. If you want a divorce its fine. One thing we never were was abusive to each other but this morning in particular she punched me in the face out of anger. Life was great than soon after he started being very mean to me yelling at me calling me names hanging up on me and than not evan coming home for days at a time. But Im ready to face her and smile and not give her the satisfaction she thinks she going to get when I see her this Thursday. Its out of your control. I cheated, husband left, need guidance to prove I'm sorry That stayed off the booze with your love and support then started to lie and drink because theyre bipolar. It puzzles me why I cannot close the chapter on this one. If you didnt it wouldnt be human. Our self esteem is 0!! I dont think he was doing anything but chatting to this girl, but still it someone triggered his desire to be unburdened from the responsibility of having a family (we have 3 children). After finally loosing respect for him I no longer feel the pain. I am good to my wife. I am still here. Just a few years ago, however, I was finally diagnosed with this awful personality disorder. Im devastated. 6 months ago my wife of 6 years been together now going on 9 years looks over at me and says she doesnt know if she wants to be married anymore. At the same time, sometimes it is better to know the truth. I had no idea she had been this unhappy for such a long time. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. Yes, it sucks, but im young, and life does go on i suppose only time will tell if this is a permanent seperation or not. I did everything for him and the kids. He has three kids I have two. Theyre also communities where you can help other members solve their problems. Ohh they are just girls. Remember that people fall in and out of love all the time, and you probably dont want to be with someone who doesnt love you deeply anyway. We have three kids together. I wish you all the best If it wasnt for my children, I would leave this earth. by We stayed in contact each time she moved, she slept over here or I slept over there. I could not agree with you more. I am in therapy because of my anger towards her because of all the things she did to hurt our family. Youre going to feel happy and wonderful again. When they returned she told me shes been unhappy and is leaving me. I lost 15 lbs. She didnt deserve any of this.. He says she cant stop him seeing me but I think she will. What about when he abandons you because you wont be his beard anymore? Kasey Scharnett-King, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Fort Worth, Texas, suggests being wary of impulsive decisions. That describes my husband exactly and I get sucked into thinking its my fault. I dont make much but still slightly more than my husband and have been helping n financing for all . She left and went there dad and sister tree planting mothers. I dont owe you anything. I asked him why is he doing this and all he can say was that he hasnt been happy. Im sorry for what you are going through Im in the exact same boat Married 17 years too he left this is my husbands 2nd affair Its sickening how a spouse can do this.. I felt like I couldnt breathe, there was a tightness across my chest and I carried it around for months. The self centered traits of the narcissistic parent gets worse and they seem not to care if their mask is off in the end ! Needless to say, I reminded him of the timing he set up and we did not get married. I am blessed to have a wonderful circle of friends and family to support me .. My wife of 10 years went on a weekend trip with our daughter. I have been married for 27 years and we dated for 4 years. He speaks animal suffering communication with dead he has completed changed. We are now 10 months after the filing and he has left again, stating he is trying to get his head straight. You will get all the blame and even find yourself thinking maybe it WAS your fault ! I feel so betrayed, devastated and its really painful to me. I know I need to shake out of this and after the first go round it probably shouldnt hurt this much.. Only it does. Its easy to get trapped in black-and-white thinking, but you will need to expand your concept of the situation to truly heal. If we move, he doesnt want to stay in the state but, the kind of small town where he would be happy generally has no work which in my view is not a win/win. Failure to touch. Maybe there were reasons you didnt want to put energy and time into the relationship, or perhaps you felt like it was your partners job as much as yours. I feel no small amount guilt for feeling relief at her leaving. We share same breathe. You can meet new people, try new things, and pursue your dreams . The terms broken home, broken family, failed marriage, broken marriage, are still terms used to describe my situation, all of which I loathe. While cutting your hair may be regrettable, more harmful decisions may result in challenges down the road, such as substance misuse. I hurt my back at work and was off then went back she just finished college at this point, she got a job and then I found out I had a prostate problem, so I had a cathador in for a while and again was off work, at this point we were still getting things caught up. Still, up until a week ago, she said she loved me, loves being with me and having a family etc. Coping with the end of a relationship can be difficult on many levels. I would of course have to impose new rules to our relationship after finding out that shes been deceiving everyone, but I would give her a second chance. I received my divorce and was devastated by my helpless circumstance. So instead of just reading, you can actually take action. Her behaviour to me changed and she became distant, rude and put me on the back burner. We had 2 amazing little girls but right after the second one her first Xmas, 10 days before my wife says shes going to get Advil and doesnt come home. Despite the length of a relationship, each partner must be committed to doing their share of the work, and communicating their own needs. I have to have faith. Confessions of a man: "How menopause ended my marriage and what I much love, Gina. I told her actions speak louder than words and ur refusing to talk but abandoning me to leave the state. Now . In fact they will sleep more soundly knowing we are eating out our hearts and crying ourselves to sleepover them My husband would withhold from me in many ways, not just lack of communication. I hate life right now, she wants nothing to do with me, my work is suffering Im suffering, shes telling everyone how happy she is and Im so lost. I will follow this for now. Then there is the one thats left out. This just didnt happen in my family. So we come home and a week later she leaves again and stays gone almost two weeks. They might cry a lot more often unexpectedly. Here's expert intel on why you mightve been ghosted plus what to do about it. Ok, judas. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. And what they are now compared to who they were before. I went to my room to get some clothes and on the bed was his stained boxers next to her stained panties. But nope we ship off to my place and to my horror she wont answer the phones all weekend which really catches me off guard, I thought we were doing something here. Its a roller coaster ride. Best! Then what, it is just so sad. Any suggestions please. .. Hi Cassie Eric, was the suicide a result of his relationship troubles with your ex? 8. Its been five weeks and he put our house up for sale. I do not try to figure out why as it only makes me sad. If its meant to be it will happen! And if its not normalized that this happens to lots of people, then they will wind up meeting and marrying someone else, and experience this same issue down the road. In thinking about it, I realized that my pain was like a SEIZURE of sorts a *continuous* seizure (the neurologist agreed with my assessment); a signal to my brain that wouldnt turn off. Think Ill skip the newsletter ty anyway. It might not seem this way, but maybe he just wasnt in love with you anymore. My name is Jon,and a few weeks ago when my wife and i were celebrating our birthdays in Chicago,she told me that she was leaving me and moving to California to live with some guy she met on the internet.My wife sufers from Fibromyalgia,depression. It would of been 10 years of marriage this year. :), I am retired navy vet and I read. I think about how I drove my family apart. Very sad and bewildering for those of us in long term relationships. Where are you located? A year ago I found out he had cheated on me and me wanting to be a good wife and loving him with all I am I took him back and worked on what he said made him do it. How about that? Its been a year and i havent moved on and i try so hard.ive had therapy. He has never served me, and has filed for two extensions for the filing. My husbanda and u got married at a very young age, I was 20 and he was 23. Hes decided to go and although there will be a lot for me to work through I truly think itll be the best thing. I honestly never thought I would recover but it was a blessing in disguise because now I have my own home and am absolutely loving life. But, the remarkable thing that I want to share, pertinent to this discussion, and the particular issue of people who just *wont/cant* get over a particularly traumatic breakup/abandonment is this: AS A BY-PRODUCT OF THE SUCCESS OF THE NEURONTIN ON MY PHYSICAL PAIN, THE OTHER THING THAT AMAZINGLY DISAPPEARED, WAS THE PAIN AND OBSESSION OF THAT THIRTY-YEAR TORCH I WAS CARRYING. So it wasnt long after that he became violent. Now he says its completely over but I dnt know if I can trust him. I was not an angel but I dont think I deserve the treatment Im receiving. Dont screw yourself. This went on until October 2015. But the ties are weakening and I feel like I am at my wits end. And if you cant forgive him, it might be time for you to walk away from this relationship completely because this isnt a good place for anyone to be in. I feel like Im walking on eggshells when around him. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I always stood by her even with her legal issues and her mental problems. I feel it to.. Didnt call, nor would he discuss our situation in email. I was up all night waiting for her and when she got home at 8 am, it really hit the fan. A relationship is made of two people that are ready and willing to be a team. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. Im sure they wouldnt like knowing she abandoned her kids. Can anyone offer any words of hope? Totally relate. He is helpful, and proper, and considerate, and all of the communication between my lawyer and him, and paying everything early and is mister proper. 10 reasons, How to make your ex fall in love with you again using psychology, 10 warning signs you and your ex wont get back together, Work on your self-mastery and the things that make you happy, Get out of the house and do something with friends or family. Hi Jon Im so pissed now she plays it off again like its all me and the kids beg me to stay (someones gotta give them attention.. Thats to far below her 2hr bath time every night. Really sucks actually knowing it was never a mistake or anything like that. So youre probably right, 19 years from -now 21 for me, we probably will never know. And this is incredibly helpful because it gives people a chance to talk about what they have been through and figure out a way to fix it in the future. They will never know how grateful I am. Then he told me he wasnt leaving anymore he chose me because I love him so much Im so confused I dont know what to do CUs know I cant trust him or if he decides to do it again. ..I thought it was the alcohol but hes not drank now for 3wks and hes gotten worse! And although I have never been violent, I would become upset or angry over silly things and thus this is where the problem would arrive We have a beautiful son together. The kids will see you live life happier and fuller than ever before and they will follow suit. I dont understand whats happened in these last 2 weeks. With research saying couples lose the Im so madly in love with you spark after 2 years at most, probably lots of couples wind up feeling like companions. I know how difficult it is and I know how sad it is because I am here too but I am six months out, and the realization that I c could be better off starting to hit me. My husbands sister just got served with divorce papers today 15 Subtle Signs A Man Feels Stuck In An Unhappy Marriage You can keep your self-esteem high by working on yourself and becoming more confident. My husband left me four and a half months ago. Sometimes the warning signs of an unhappy partner are there, but you may not clearly see them. now i got to know of her infidelity causing her to move out of the house, leaving the 3 grown up children with me. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. I do not believe that you can just fall out of love one day as if it is completely unrelated to how each of the partners interacts with one another. I get $700 a month for 3 years and $25g from her 401k. Husband Midlife Crisis & Wives' Biggest Mistake - Guy Stuff Counseling The papers are signed. What have I done! Its just interesting that two years went by and he never once mentioned anything about being unhappy since the former conversation but felt justified to leave because he had a conversation two years prior to him leaving. But we have a 13 year old son together, and hes a wonderful boy. From the most loving caring individual I have ever known to this cold hateful selfish person I could have ever imagined. It is a commitment, a promise, a vow to love that other person irrespective of how you feel. I am so so Hurt.. What do i do,?? Except for Christs love, there is none here on earth. Same situation, married 18 years, 2 girls.not sure if she had somebody else, but I have a feeling,,,wont talk to me at all. My ex husband did the same thing I tried everything and nothing. I asked if you need a brae thats fine but can we still be a couple she said no, she took her name off the lease fast and I noticed at night I could see she was on messenger most of the night. My husband of 15 years, announced 6 weeks ago that he was unhappy. I cant believe that she will come back from this business trip with her husband and we would be able to continue on as we have and still have the relationship that we both have known to be so strong. I thought we had a happy life but apparently I did not have a happy wife.she never told me anything, never discussed it or mentioned it. Hi Robert! Information about what to do in a crisis is available here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. Either way Im totally broken, unable to cope and cannot see a way ahead. I was devastated. We can use our parents for communication or others but absolutely zero contact from now on is the only way to make the hurt stop. My husband did the same thing to me. I thought everything was going well, we were hitting on better than ever, having more fun talking more, I felt confident things were going well as he told me they were. It would be easy. Friday comes and of course, she unplugs the house phone and turns off her cell and refuses to let me see my kids. Its so sad that 6 minths after he one-sidedly decided that OUR marriage was over, we are already divorced. I kept his dirty secrets like they were my fault , like the time he came home 2 weeks before our baby was due when I felt like a beached whale and told me he was in love with girl in the office 12 years my jnr. I gave a lot of myself over to my marriage and taking on a lot of stuff trying to be a help mate. The common age seems to be women in their mid thirties. I just dont know if I should let her go and TRY to move on or keep fighting for her. Its the idealistic lovethe one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children. When its over When you split up, you may find it very hard to let go of your ex-partner. Its just going to crush me down the rd seeing her with another man. We have 3 girls 10.11 and 13. Take care. I understand. He finally moved out after telling the kids he had to find true happiness. Whit from Maine, Hi Im 35 my husband is 42. All that matters to him was his daughters I dont blame him after not being. A cheater will only admit to what they think you already know and usually they wont divulge all the details. Often a wife's response, although well intended, can just drive her husband even deeper into his midlife crisis. But the acceptance that he is gone from life doesnt make me hurt any less Love hurts. Sage, yah that sounds like an affair and it sounds like she is admitting to it in her own way. The trust we had is gone. She has also began lying, eg i found out she was seeing a counsellor, she said they were actually friends, but I have seen she has been paying her fees on her bank statements. Her dad used to financially bail her out and her mum often was overbearing and smothered her. 3. Because you cant fix all of these things, try to understand why he left. Sometimes when a person leaves, they are unhappy not because they dont love you, but because they are hiding something. Take care Don. Without her, I would not be here to tell this story., Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. Ghosting doesnt always mean the offending party is being intentional. This is what she wants. My gf of 5 years left me bout a week ago we lived at her dads her dad decided to move out so she says shes going to live with her mom but i cant stay there with her so im homeless but a week ago i made her mad she left and didnt talk to me until today when she came to get her clothes. A girl who is blinded by love. All those pieces coming together the texts, the absences on an affair. Hes not sad, he goes out and parties with his friends during his parenting time with our son. Please help I feel like Im drowning and dont know how to protect my kids from the pain they will feel, I feel horrible for you, this is going to be a very hard time but youre going to have to focus on the kids. So, i had to ask my family for money. She was the main person I talked to and let her manage things. If you underappreciated your partner or neglected to nurture the bond between you, your partner might have broken off like a dead limb on a tree. One of the things they do is to project their own miseries and insecurities off on you !! Trent Shelton on Facebook is a great motivational speaker. One of the best things I heard directed at someone else- A christian man or woman shouldnt violate the conscience of their spouse, I hope some day I will be able to give myself fully to someone again, but it will be a while. It feels like I have been blind sided, she didnt even give us a try to work it out. That I am dead to him. Research watch for the signs and never settle for anything less than you deserve. After it finally sunk in that the man I thought Id married was obviously not and whats more he wasnt even trying to cover up or be nice any more. Be careful, maybe hire a lawyer before you get your settlement. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. Wife Abandonment - My Husband Has Suddenly Left me - Vortex Success You might feel like theres no one who can understand how youre hurting, but thats not true. How can we say such things to each other, and then she goes away with him? So Im a stay at home mom my daughter and his brother live with us to help pay for medical bills, supplies, food shelter etc. my wife of 25 years had a facebook affair with a strange man from the UK she had this affair online for eight months.and they met only 10 month after his wife died. Most days everything fine till either side of the visit. He hutted me so bad and couldnt understand how he could be doing this to. Come to find out, there have been several items packed and taken from the home. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. I dont know how to feel. Any opinions? Now im being threated/monitored by one of his family. I feel like having the high moral ground vindicates me but the article recommends not using it. But now it's been only two weeks since he left and . Please someone give me some advice. Completely unaware of what had transpired I was thinking we really needed to talk. I married my husband less then one year ago. We both feel so strongly that we are right for each other, we trully do love each other. Keeping that balance would lessen the likelihood of the above 5 reasons, or other reasons like it being too much work, from occurring . Can you imagine getting kicked out of your home and your husband moves someone else in and they go through your things, even my Breast Cancer medical records trying to say I could work because I survived, Im 60 and have worked since 1969!! Hes in his mid 40s and literally has nothing, his mommy and daddy are still paying his way and completly enabling him to behave this way. I kept telling him she felt more than friendship. My betrayer ? As the spouse of a narcissist, I need to be strong and educate . I was so fearful of it returning that I wound up taking the gabapentin for seven months before daring to discontinue it. 4 Valuable Lessons I Learned After Leaving My Husband Who locks their 3 year old out in the place with your bedroom door locked and not answering the child cry until the next morning when your mother shows up with your older child because you cant watch her overnight anymore and really dont watch the other one.